I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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