super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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