If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
