You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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