Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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