They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The air was thick with penises
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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