she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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