On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
