Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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