just tell him i said nine months
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
