girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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