To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
