I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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