cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
