haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
