i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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