Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
