im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
