True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
