Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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