Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
