I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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