go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
