legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
