i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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