I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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