he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
