If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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