i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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