hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish i was in the wii world.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
