am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
