brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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