he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
