i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
