Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
