i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
