so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
