she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
