Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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