if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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