They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
