My liver just broke up with me...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
