I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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