i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
