Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
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I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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