I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
