when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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