new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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