Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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Do I have a choice?
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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