At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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