If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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