I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
