hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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