this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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