Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
50% drunk capacity currently
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
