Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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