I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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