he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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