and she was petting her beer can
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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