you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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