new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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