So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
